Grace 4.28.13

SHE DID NOT KNOW HER FATHER

WHEN ASKING HER MOTHER ABOUT HOW SHE CAME TO BE IF HER FATHER NO LONGER WAS AROUND
THE RESPONSE WAS NOT WHAT SHE HAD EXPECTED

THEY WERE MARRIED WHEN SHE WAS CONCEIVED AND UPON HER BIRTH HER MOTHER COULD SEE THAT HER FATHER WOULD NEVER BE A DAD

THE WAY HE HANDLED HIS NEWBORN WAS MECHANICAL, WITHOUT LOVE AND AS SHE GREW INTO A TODDLER HIS EXPECTATIONS WERE BEYOND HER DEVELOPMENT

BEING A MILITARY MAN HE DECIDED TO GO WHERE THE MILITARY SENT HIM WHICH IN TURN LED TO DIVORCE AND A CHILD SUPPORT CHECK TO ARRIVE MONTHLY

THE FATHER BROUGHT BACK THE NEW WIFE TO VISIT, BECAUSE THEY WERE IN THE PORT, AND AWAY THEY WENT FROM HER LIFE

MANY MEN PASSED THROUGH HER AND HER MOTHERS LIFE, SOME BETTER THAN OTHERS, SOME WORSE THAN BEFORE

BY THE TIME SHE WAS A TEENAGER HER CURIOSITY PIQUED AND SHE NEEDED TO SEE WHAT WAS BEYOND THE MAN WHO SENT A CHECK AND GIFTS AT THE APPROPRIATE TIMES

A TEENAGE GIRL WHO HAS ONLY LIVED WITH HER MOTHER AND STRANGE MEN IS OF COURSE GOING TO FIND HER FATHER ANOTHER STRANGE MAN

SHE RETURNED FROM HER TRIP EARLY, HOMESICK AND UNSURE

THE NEXT SUMMER SHE TRIED AGAIN, OLDER AND WISER IN HER TEEN YEARS…STILL A STRANGE MAN SHE FOUND, BUT HER STEP MOTHERS FAMILY SHE MET AND SHE STARTED TO SEE DIFFERENTLY

HOW IN WHICH WAS SHE CONCEIVED? SHE WAS CONCEIVED IN GRACE HER MOTHER TOLD HER…YOUR FATHER MAY NOT HAVE BEEN THERE FOR YOU IN YOUR CHILDHOOD AND IN A DIFFICULT WAY THROUGH TEENAGE YEARS AND EARLY ADULTHOOD. BUT IN THE WAY YOU HAD A FATHER YOU LEARNED FORGIVENESS AND A CAPACITY TO TOLERATE WHAT IS BEYOND THE NORMAL.

I RECEIVED THIS MESSAGE LAST NIGHT IN MY SLEEP, MOST OF IT IS TRUTH UP UNTIL THE GRACE PART, IN MY DREAM I WAS NAMED GRACE. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO TRULY KNOW ME THE DEFINITION I AM ABOUT TO POST HAS ABOUT THE EXACT OPPOSITE…BUT DEEP DOWN, I AM THIS PERSON…I JUST DO IT WITH A BIT OF FLARE!

grace
 [ grayss ]   
  1. elegance: elegance, beauty, and smoothness of form or movement
  2. politeness: dignified, polite, and decent behavior
  3. generosity of spirit: a capacity to tolerate, accommodate, or forgive people

my heart has been heavy.
upon return we’ve dealt with some unsavory and rotten feelings and people
heck, since the whole mess in VA its been a mess of emotion
i had a dream last night and it hasn’t left me
i don’t know when i can forgive, but i want to
i guess it hurts my heart so much that people can be so bad, and untruthful
i want everyday to speak truth
and i do
sometimes its hurtful and usually it full of LOVE

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