I recently was told that I have a sense of entitlement about me. The context of this statement was in contrast and comparison of others who act out of entitlement as well. This bothered me A LOT, and it still does.
I once dated a guy who was a chef and a drummer in a hard core rock band, he was from Beverly, Mass and had a very prominent pride about himself and how he conducted his life. I learned that this air about him was fueled by integrity, self worth and respect. He taught me that as long as you have integrity in your actions then you can feel accomplished and therefore respect yourself and hopefully others who also live with integrity.
Integrity was something that I had to research as it was a word unfamiliar to me. It essentially means that one has beliefs and standards of what is moral and just and acts accordingly to uphold those conditions. It turned out that I actually had this drive within me as well and now had a word for it.
While contemplating my possible entitlement I had to look up the definition of this word as well. According to my research it seemed that I was being accused of feeling as though I had a right to certain conditions in my work place, as others also were being accused.
This lead me to realize that I have a sense of worth which is fueled by my integrity which was unfortunately being compared to others who do not share my same moral beliefs but who instead are fueled by greed.
Today I am finally letting it out, because its been a week since the bomb was dropped upon me that was spurred by the entitlement discussion, it has left me sour and drained by the hurt feelings. My work ethic is different, fueled by my integrity and pride, done because I enjoy providing optimal moments for those needing to be served.
So here is the wrap up and the difference I am going to agree with, I can see how I may seem entitled as I make every effort to be apart of a team that creates an experience for our guests that provide for our livelihoods monetarily, but my worth is beyond greed because I approach my actions with integrity and pride.
This is my life, it is not my part time seasonal monetary supplement nor is it my ticket to paradise off this continent, perhaps consideration of others and their worth is more than ten extra fucking doll hairs.
I work hard and I probably am so much of a perfectionist at what I do and care way too much about it that I am able to notice those who are not giving as much or not even half of the effort. I appreciate those who own their slothliness, who admit to it, but I know they are hiding what is driving them but I see it plain as. My spirit is dim, I’m so very exhausted with people being so out right nasty and rotten, their negativity inspires my inner brat and next thing you know I’m being called a bitch.
So what are we really worth to each other when we are forced to work as a team, when we may not really like one another? It turns out we do need each others assistance to get the job done right, but at the cost of a few extra doll hairs it turns out we may feel our worth is more than some one else.
Live and lead by example. Some sort of mantra will have to see me through because the war has only started and when it comes to the end of the battle those who are along side me will saunter off the field with their entitlement as I cling to my integrity and hopefully of worth.