Something is amiss. Awry. Running amuck
It’s a new feeling and it runs deep and I don’t know that I can muster the courage to understand how in which I might have to deal with the crumpling of my body, the inability to do as I wish when i want. Living with this while looking and acting normal is deceiving, myself and you…inside I am in turmoil while pretending its all oK
It took today, day 7 of staycation, for the reality to set in. I’ve been feeling it coming on since before I finished my seasonal to begin my other seasonal. It’s a monster living beneath the skin, perhaps dwelling in my bones and most definitely hanging out in my muscles. It’s a twitch that is deep, it is a cramp and spasm just waiting to take its hold, it lurks and when it takes hold it feels like it will never release and the pain is borderline stabby
Recently a friend of mine who is the same age as me had a stroke and the reality of this hit me hard and I thought about my own habits and doings that may limit my life. I know that using alcohol in excess can cause so many impediments and irresponsible life choices. I also know that at certain points of dealing with my dis-ease and life a good stiff drink will ease my pain and at least calm my nerves. Then there is the ability to use herbal medication, which when eaten eases my body of its pain and most certainly takes the nerves to a happy place.
I’ve watched so many people in my life become the biggest mess because of alcohol and I’ve had many an experience in the beyond with the harder intoxicants, so I find this abhorrence to marijuana as it becomes obvious of its medical benefits ridiculous.
I feel panicky and nervous as I think of the possibilities for my future because it is unknown in so many ways. I can constantly worry about what may become of me, but that is not a productive thought process, it does not support the now. But I do know that the acceptance and legalization of marijuana as a medicine can only make the quality of life so much better for so many people.
Puff Nom Pass