that time of year

It’s here, the holiday season…where dippity dip and doppity dop and be careful as to not get suffocated with my sock…

It used to be comforting and family, it then turned to rifts and feelings of envy and then people died and greed set in and what remains of my family have the things that few of us missed out on because of coping mechanisms.

Ever since going out on my own and the loss of my mother I tend to avoid conventional holiday gatherings because it is only to obvious to me the shit that lay beneath the smiles and prayers. I usually find the kids and enter into my play zone, because I’d rather make believe with the children than make believe with the adults trapped in their political religious judgements.

I love to shower my friends and loved ones with gifts but this time of year just brings on stress and reminding of how I am so very in debt and no where near paying off “them”. So. I’d rather spend this time celebrating life by splurging on a bushel of oysters or some other food of decadence shared with friends.

I think of those who have less than I have more and I donate to them in most any way that I can. Since losing my mother and recovering from my binging to drown out that pain I find it easier every year since to move past those feelings of loss and to entertain the feelings of abundance and to give.

Today we lost a great man. WE did. He meant so much to so many and to such big thinking beyond our simple minds. He was the first political figure to make an impression upon me. I was of the hippy movement…in my mind…I was anti-government (still am) but it was doing Model UN in high school and representing South Africa that I found out that the movement of peace isn’t completely lost in politics.

Its that time of year that once meant mimosa’s and clubbing. It is still the time of year where I work, and work hard to give the most endearing and hospitable time to those away from the comfort of their own homes. It is about money, about not having enough and working to gain more. This year I am home again, with my canine and feline family with my loving husband and we are doing our best to make our own traditions and to keep our heads up despite the low that still is tugging us down.

its that time of year I am grateful. i am thankful. i am what i am and this is good

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